Tailgating before a show in Camden with two girls I never would've thought I'd lose touch with! It was probably about 2:30 in the afternoon... we were artful about our tailgating!It's funny, because this life is what I've always wanted. I never expected anything less. As Joe likes to remind me, it is all part of my master plan and it's true. But, sometimes, when I'm driving around my Mickey mobile, in between the Laurie Berkner songs on the Ipod, a Pearl Jam song comes on and I am transfixed by the memories. Suddenly I'm standing amid the palpable waves of the crowd and it's just me and Eddie. I turn up the music, belt along with his crackling baritone and remember what it was like to be carefree! Back then, the biggest decisions I made were cider or shots for pregame, and who was going to be "sober sister" (the ultimate sacrifice!) We would have entire conversations about how much we loved Miller Lite and insisted we would be cool forever! We would still go to Pearl Jam concerts even in our 30s (why not our 40s? Oh yea, because 40 was unthinkable!) We used to scoff at the "old heads" sitting down at concerts, and swear it would never be us! Having kids and driving a minivan was a "someday" thing, but certainly not a reality! It was like a fairytale; a story I could see myself in, but the characters and scenery were so far fetched! 
This is my best friend Helen and I for Pearl Jam's 1998 tour. I flew to South Carolina for a show in that tour! Incidentally, that was also the closest I've ever gotten to Eddie... a personal high for me!
Today, as I live my own personal "fairytale" it is with no regret. I don't look back on those days and wish I were there. I lived those days to their fullest. I made sure I was the last to leave the party. If there were fun to be had, I was having it. I played my share of beer pong, forged my share of fraternity pranks. I held my Bic high waiting for the second encore, without worry of getting home at a "decent time" or "fighting the traffic to get out." I never said no to a concert, in fact, tailgating could've been my minor. One time, we rented a U-Haul and loaded it with living room furniture and a BBQ and drove it to a concert with about 15 of us lounging in the back! I lived carelessly for as long as the universe allowed, for I knew one day I would be living for someone else.
I have the two most precious boys in the world who devote their undying love to me every day. Charlie drops his schoolbag and gives me the biggest hug every time I drop him off at school and Finny calls me "prinpress." Every day I'm aware of just how fleeting life is at every stage. Although those drunken days and nights seem so distant now, I have a lifetime of memories to take with me. And all it takes is one Pearl Jam song to bring me right back!
Nobody wants to be the oldest one at the party. I've seen the moshpit after everyone's gone and it's a sad amalgam of shoes, clothes and teeth. My carefree time was brief, but well lived. I can't look back on a single thing and wish I did it another way. I believe in never living with regret. I only hope I can fully appreciate my children at every stage because I am all too aware of the little old lady at the supermarket looking at my chaos with a knowing smile and a jealous glance. I know that one day, I will be walking Shop Rite alone buying Clam Chowder instead of Alphabet Soup and missing the days when all I needed in the world was sitting in the shopping cart pulling each other's hair!
Nobody wants to be the oldest one at the party. I've seen the moshpit after everyone's gone and it's a sad amalgam of shoes, clothes and teeth. My carefree time was brief, but well lived. I can't look back on a single thing and wish I did it another way. I believe in never living with regret. I only hope I can fully appreciate my children at every stage because I am all too aware of the little old lady at the supermarket looking at my chaos with a knowing smile and a jealous glance. I know that one day, I will be walking Shop Rite alone buying Clam Chowder instead of Alphabet Soup and missing the days when all I needed in the world was sitting in the shopping cart pulling each other's hair!
This was how we tailgated before the last Pearl Jam concert on Halloween. It's no U-haul, but we had a great time!
My Doc Martens may be Uggs now, but my life, as is my footwear, is a lot more comfortable! My choice of beer (albeit rare that I drink it) happily is no longer Miller Lite. My 4 bedroom house is WAY better than the 6 bedroom sorority house. And who are we kidding? I used to drive a 1989 4-door Toyota rollerskate, the minivan is definitely a step up!! And I'll take the love of my husband and two wonderful sons anyday over the love of Eddie Vedder (my inner stalker just said "what?") The lights have gone out on my party days, but I have other things lighting my life now and they are way brighter!
Ironically, the party days for Eddie, father of 2, are a lot tamer than they used to be. Going to one of his concerts is more spiritual than physical these days and that's just the way I like it. Watch Eddie rock out his quintessential "Alive" in 1992 here.Eddie's guttural voice only gets better with age. I may be sitting down at his concerts someday, but I'll still be going. Maybe I'll even bring my boys! A more mature Eddie, singing one of the prettiest songs in the Pearl Jam catalogue here.
We had an expected, but still tragic loss in Joe's family just before the holiday. Joe's Grandma, "Grandma Mary," passed away from a long battle with cancer. She was much loved and lived a wonderful life, touching everyone she knew. She was great Grandma to Charlie and Finny (and Mackenzie) and she always had a little religious token or book for the boys. She wrote them letters and cards that were always so endearing. Charlie and Finny always talked to her on the phone, and in the end, made videos for her to see from her bed. She was Mom to Rosemary, JoAnn and the late Anthony who had Down Syndrome. Grandma Mary cared for Anthony for 50 years, all the while encouraging him and others with developmental disabilities to live amazing lives! She was truly an inspiration. Her caring heart and warm smile will always be remembered. We know she is in heaven with Anthony, her husband Joe, her sister Kay and many others.
We celebrated my birthday for about 3 days straight! We took advantage of every babysitting opportunity we had and really tried to spend some time together! We went to a movie, played Quizzo at a bar (yes, a real bar. I haven't seen the likes of those in quite some time!) and finally on the actual day we all celebrated together (just as I like it!) Joe spoiled me once again and made a bevvy of appointments for me from haircut and color (I don't know why he made the "color"), mani/pedi, massage and shopping! I am a lucky girl! 
We celebrated the New Year at our house with Marissa, Matt and their college friends (whom we have adopted as our own) Aubrey and Pete (who are always a party where ever they go!) It was a little tamer than years passed, but we had fun! 
We pulled up 2007's ball drop on youtube and watched it on tv pretending it was this year's. Charlie had a blast screaming "3-2-1 HAPPY NEW YEAR!" Then, at 10pm, we went outside and banged pots and threw the traditional pot of water to wash away last year (a Cuban tradition Joe and I have kept alive every year... every year we're awake that is!)
He had a great day, just as I told him he would. He's growing up every day, and we are loving every minute of it!
I'm also putting in some pics of the boys with the "creatures" Grandpa bought for us the other day. My Dad always used to come home with lobsters and let them crawl around on the kitchen floor so I was so happy we could recreate that memory for my kids!! Charlie was a little scared at first (even though he LOVES crabs and lobsters and always wants us to watch them on Youtube!) Then he warmed up to them and was "tickling their tails." Bailey even got in on the action. Finny got down on the floor, but if one of those "Lobtahs" got into a tangle with him, I think we'd know who would win!! Finny would just EAT HIM!!! 
Finny napped for a while and I went upstairs to wake him b/c we had ordered pizza, and he came down in my arms so calmly. He was so happy to see the "coo coo keys" (choo choo trains) all over the house, and immediately sat down to play with "Pomass" (Thomas).
We all began eating pizza and Finny just went out to the porch and had a rest on the chaise with his guggy. 
They devoured the cake! Then we opened presents. Finny was so calm and loved everything he opened (or should I say that Charlie opened for him!) Every time he got a train, he wanted to open it right away. I read his birthday cards out loud to him, and when I got done reading Mom Mom's I closed it and Finny said, "Amen." Whenever we asked Finny how old he is today, he said, "five." I don't know where he got that, only that he does love counting! 
I thank my lucky stars almost daily for these two wonderful boys. When they're not driving me bananas, they are just amazing to witness. I am constantly cognizant of these fleeting moments which someday I will turn around and miss. I try so hard to make snapshots in my mind (like today when Charlie hugged Finny) because I know too quickly they will be grown. And of course we happened upon an old man in Shop Rite today who was admiring my "wonderful helpers." And I said "aren't they?" half sarcastically. And he said, "Oh these days are so short. Now I vacuum the house and the vacuum lines stay there for weeks and weeks and I think of the days when I barely had time to vacuum and miss them!" Well, I nearly cried right there in the Shop Rite. I walked away with a tear in my eye, and made sure to say an extra thanks tonight for my two wonderful joys. 